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Sep. 8th, 2010

When I argue with reality, I lose - but only 100 percent of the time.

"The correct plural of ocelot is oceshitload. Ocefuckton is vulgar and should be avoided."


Update day 3

My father has a partially blocked minor artery in his brain. It is inoperable. He will most likely be on heparin or some other blood thinner for the rest of his life. He is ambulatory and other than having to relearn how to swallow is in good health and spirits. He also has most of the use back in his left arm. Not as bad as it could have been, but it is a sword of Damocles. Time will tell how well he’ll adjust to having to be much more careful about injuring himself.

And it’s Wednesday.



Just got off the phone with my sister. She was crying.

My father had a stroke. He's speaking normally and appears cognitively intact but cannot stand or raise one arm. His condition has improved from yesterday and he never lost consciousness so that’s good. The doctor’s are continuing to run the usual battery of tests. As usual it is now wait and see.

I think my sister is blaming herself and running all the “what if” scenarios in her head. Hindsight is always a harsh mirror to examine the snap choices and decisions made without guidance or time to think. On a highway in the mountains is not exactly the ideal location.

I am well. Concerned and knowing I’ll have to steel myself for the phone calls and text messages to come. But life goes on and the sunshine is still streaming in the window on a beautiful summer day.

I think I’ll go for a walk for the rest of my lunch break. :)

Jul. 12th, 2010

My father is in the hospital. He was in the car with my sister yesterday when he got too dizzy to drive. He is unable to stand and they are doing an MRI this morning. In all likelihood he will be ok and this will be a correctable issue with his inner ear.

There is now another crack in my father’s effigy. The overwhelming and unstoppable force of my father has diminished with time. He is no longer the dominating Titan of my life. I remember hands or legs wrapped in duct tape or gauze as he worked with wounds that probably needed stitches. Never hesitating to tackle any project. He was an older masculinity, the head of the household and the authority.

He is now a middle-aged man. The core personality of generosity and positively that I try to emulate is undimmed by the ravages of diabetes and time. Because I only see him sporadically the gradual change is sudden and jarring for me. The mental snapshot being replaced with a new picture every time.

Mortality claims us all. Year by year he will grow weaker and the figure of my childhood will fade into half remembered impressions and anecdotes.

I am more worried that this will be the beginning of the end for my father’s complete autonomy. More than any person I’ve ever known he has been a creature of solitude. He would take me off jeep trails in the mountains to vistas that quite possibly had never felt tires before. He crosses so many lonely miles, driving across the expansive Midwest. I know that it would kill a part of himself to be caged.

Time robs us of ourselves eventually.

Quick Shoutout!

Life continues!

So many things that I'll hopefully get around to posting.....

This entry to be updated soon!

It's Goosegiving... mutafuka

Update to the 30 awesome things:

15. Proxima Thule with my tribe! Went up to Maine for a lovely Goosegiving celebration with the newlyweds catvalente , justbeast , and their lovely housemates (also newlyweds!) mishamish , and babymonkey . The carpool from down south was rayan4d2 driving and ioianthe in charge of music awesomeness. The lovely traumerin gave us the wonderful number 9 for a delightfully full house of Goosegiving antics and awesome.

There was rock band (I even sang!) and geeky story swapping. Adventures on the island involving old ruins and graveyards. Oh yeah, and some simply amazing and delightful food.

By some quirk of fate I'm blessed to have so many friends who have a deep and passionate love of cooking. Not only do they love it, they are damn good at it. The food was simply amazing. The leftovers were simply amazing and I would have been perfectly content to eat nothing but leftovers day after glorious day.

16. Battery Steele on Peaks Island! (An abandoned WW2 defensive structure originally housing a couple of 16 inch guns, now turned into the Barrens from the novel IT.) I have not done much ruin exploration since the old gold mining towns in the mountains of Colorado with my father almost 15 years ago. There is a mystique and interesting feeling to abandoned places. Each place has it's own shadows and air. Especially places that people still use for new purposes, for Battery Steele it's spray art. The weight of the past hangs in the forgotten corners and the sprayed walls.

It was quite the amazing weekend. I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends.

Punctuated equilbrium

Life is strange. The days blur together in their mundane routine and then suddenly out of the blue one of those 1 in 1000 days blind sides you. The status quo is upended by some radical event and you get a punctuated equilibrium. Your life is shifted and time can be split into before and after.

You find a new love or lose an old one. You make a new friend or say goodbye to a past one. You move outside your comfort zone in a way that means you can’t quite go back all the way.

And you are changed and it becomes the new status quo until the next event shakes your life again. The shock and questions of how can I adjust to this new reality quickly fade to the new same old, same old.

The punctuated equilibriums are not all bad of course. There are happy events aplenty that remake your world, just unexpected when they happen.

The year of wedding flowers... concluded.

Update to the 30 awesome things:

14. Wedding flowers 2: flower harder! Now thatyuki_onna  andjustbeast  are hopefully and finally safely on their way to their honeymoon I can reveal my small part in their nuptials.

I was intimadated by Cat for the first year I knew her. She was a big Writer with a capital W and such an amazing person. She has such a magnetic personality and is just awesome.

So when she asked if I would do her the honor of making her wedding bouquet I was stunned and honored. I'm a small time, craft-store artist who dabbles and makes gewgaws for my friends. She's a professional artist and she wanted me to play a part in one of the biggest events of her life.

I said, "Hell yeah" and then promptly didn't work on it for six months.


But procrastination aside the flowers came out amazingly well and I'm quite proud of them. But more importantly Cat loves them.
I like sharing happiness with my friends.

Party time! Excellent!

Update to the 30 awesome things:

13. Halloween party! [info]yakavenger  and I went to our very first Halloween party at rayan4d2 and [info]ioianthe. Besides being a totally rollicking good time with all sorts of wonderful people from LJ that I won't mention by name because I don't know them all and I would leave people out and feel bad, it was also supercool to get to dress up in costume!

Halloween is a big thing were I work and every year we have a costume contest with $100 for first place. So this year with
ioianthe help I went all our with a wonderful Carmen Miranda costume! The fruit is plastic but the hat is real. The "dress" is a mumu from my grandmother's closet (I'd never seen her wear it). yakavenger  was rocking the 80's glam look with giant hoop earrings and lots of neon bling.

It was quite the fun weekend!



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